lately, more so than ever, my speech is halting. i’ve always been able to express myself better in writing than in speech, but this is different. when i try to speak, either i don’t have the words, or i use the wrong words, or the words won’t come to the surface.

a wise friend suggested that i am learning to live from my heart, that this occurs because our hearts are wordless.

perhaps this is so. there are moments when i have a sense of just how large i really am. it’s as if my eyes are turned inward and i can see that the space inside me is immense + limitless.

it would make sense that i am wordless there. no vocabulary, however large it may be, can convey the richness of the infinite. it is a place beyond language.

this is partly why i created 30 days of wonder. we can’t always get to wordlessness through words, but maybe we can get there through images.

nature knows immense. nature knows vast. nature knows infinite. just look at blades of grass or autumn leaves or drops of rain or grains of sand.

’tis true. we had snow. (i remember many a halloween that featured a snowsuit on top of my halloween costume. oh, the memories.)

well, we had snow. most of it melted already.

it was pretty! but i have decided it can wait to return until thanksgiving.

atlas agrees. whole-heartedly.

for you, for now, a heartfelt offering: 30 days of wonder.

during the end-of-year chaos, ground yourself in stillness + wonder.

it begins on november 15th.

if the time is right, and the silence calls, i would love to have you along.

“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”

~ A.A. Milne

{an extremely irregular series: tribute the first, tribute the second, tribute the third.}

dear mark rothko,

your paintings pierce my heart.
your paintings nourish my spirit.
your paintings express the inexpressible.

i wish i could send my deepest appreciation to you on a radiant shooting star. but i believe that love is everywhere, and that our souls never die, so i trust that you feel it, everywhere you are.

you inspire me. always.

in gratitude,
your (not-so-secret) admirer

today, i feel moved to say this:

you matter.

a few weeks back, i watched an episode of the mindy project.

at one point in the episode, mindy says to danny, “i think the reason i tell everyone about us is because i want it to be real. the more real it seems, the less likely it is that it could all get taken away from me.”

this got me thinking about how we want to matter – to someone, to anyone.

we want to know that it matters that we were here, that we made a difference, that someone cares.

but here’s the thing: sometimes the moments we matter the most are the moments we aren’t aware of at all.

like the time you treated someone with respect + dignity. (you didn’t know they were judging themselves harshly for being in that particular situation at all.)

like the time you smiled and held open the door for someone. (you didn’t know they were feeling unseen.)

like the time you issued an invitation to someone. (you didn’t know they were feeling lonely and disconnected.)

like the time you sat and listened to someone. (you didn’t know they were feeling unheard and rejected.)

like the time you forgave your own self, or let yourself off the hook, or met yourself with love. (you didn’t know how much you needed it.)

this made me think of feathers.

i think of feathers as messages from the angels. when i am feeling small, or lost, or alone, i look for feathers; i always always find them.

you might be a feather in someone’s path right now.
you were certainly a feather in someone’s path in the past.
you will be a feather in someone’s path in the future.

most of the time, you will never know those moments happened.

whether they do, or whether they don’t, you always always matter.

you matter because you exist.

you truly truly matter.

this is the tamarack tree. the latin name is larix laricina.

in spring and summer, the tamarack resembles an evergreen. in winter, its branches are bare. in autumn, the tamarack’s needles turn golden before they fall to the ground.

this color change seems to happen overnight. one day, there it is, right in front of me! a tree that’s flecked with gold.

hello, you.

it’s fall!

i like fall.

we have been tromping through the woods, on and off the trails.

i am smelling all the smells and chasing all the things.

i wish you could join me!

your friend, atlas

atlas and i were on an adventure this weekend when these red leaves called to me. they stood tall above the golden weeds, a single branch of red, in front of a very blue lake. i had to wade through the weeds to get to them.

when i saw this photo, i knew why they had summoned me. they were not autumn leaves, but a dragonfly, and the dragonfly wanted to be witnessed.

(they could also be a fairy or a butterfly or a bird in flight, but i saw the dragonfly first.)

i found this quote on the internet today and had to share. i both love and hate it.

love because – truth.

hate because – truth.

i want to see the whole path, not just the next step!

(and yes, i am very fond of book + movie spoilers.)