i wish i could remember where i stumbled across this quote – possibly from someone on facebook – but i just love it.

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

-Albert Einstein

{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

apparently i am taking nothing but photos of radiance these days, because i had a number of sets of radiance photos to choose from.

i picked these photos – from one particular set – because they aligned so well with my reason for choosing radiance and with what i am working on.

radiance is a patch of mud.

luminosity is a mud puddle.

really. is that not too perfect for words?

"oh, atlas, you're so cute when you smell things."

i like to dunk cookies in my soup, especially oatmeal raisin cookies. i think this started years ago during a period when i was buying my lunch in the cafeteria. i usually got a cup of soup and an oatmeal raisin cookie. i'd eat the cookie first, to give the soup time to cool, and dip the cookie into the soup a few times to check the temperature. it turns out that soup plus cookie is awfully tasty, so it stuck. (i would just like to say, for the record, that cookies are practically like bread, and most everyone likes soup plus bread.)

i only cut nine nails at a time; i always leave one thumbnail uncut. once i finally had fingernails again – after reiki helped me stop chewing my nails in my sleep – it seemed like every single time i would cut my nails, something would happen almost immediately that would make me wish i hadn't cut my nails. i would need them for something and they would be gone. to solve this problem, i started leaving one thumbnail uncut. whenever i cut my nails now, i just cut the thumbnail that is longer. it is such a handy practice. feel free to adopt it yourself.

when left to my own devices, i am a very strange movie watcher. first, i watch the beginning, maybe a chapter or two. then, i watch the ending, to make sure everything is going to be ok. then, i back up a chapter and watch to the beginning of the ending (because i have to know how they got to that ending!). then, i back up yet another chapter. then, i do this a few more times (though sometimes i'll back up two or three chapters instead of just one). sometimes, i watch the entire movie backwards. sometimes, i'll watch half of it backwards and then go back to where i left off in the beginning and watch the other half of it normally. sometimes, if it seems like the movie might be a little intense, i will look it up on wikipedia and read the entire synopsis so that i know exactly what happens (i love wikipedia for just this purpose) and then watch it in my usual unorthodox fashion. this particular habit got started because, for lack of a better way to explain this, i am sensitive to what happens in movies. i think this helps keep things at a distance. however, i will confess that it's gotten to the point where i watch most movies this way. it's probably a good thing i am not friends with any movie directors, because i feel sure they would not approve. (also, yay for dvds, without which i could not have started this practice at all!)

if you have any quirks you'd like to share, i'd love to hear them, because i say hurrah! for all the things that make us us.

{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

i keep trying to write a post about the darker side of radiance – the things that have come up for attention since i invoked the power of radiance – but it. is. just. not. flowing. it feels sluggish and heavy and dark.

sluggish and heavy and dark is rather how it feels to work on all of this at times, but the thing that saves me is my sense of humor and my fascination with how my mind works, so the energy of this particular post is all wrong and i cannot publish it.

instead, here is a quick list of things i have learned this month. as i write each one down, i am sending the underlying pattern love and giving it permission to exist. and i am also giving myself permission to be glad that most of them are on their way out.

• it doesn't really matter what nice things people say about you, unless you believe them yourself.
• voices that are older and more familiar, even if they are mean and hurtful, are easier to believe.
• even if i believe i am worthy now, old patterns that are based on the (now faulty) premise that i am unworthy need to come up for attention so i can look at them with fresh eyes.
• i am very good at projecting my own beliefs about myself onto the people in my relationships, which is why i am always waiting for the moment when they leave.
• of course it is hard for me to be vulnerable and to tell people how wonderful i think they are and how much i care about them if i am waiting for them to leave.
• my identity for 30 plus years has been based on the belief that i am unworthy. by invoking radiance, i am asking for my entire identity to shift. i sort of missed this part.
• practicing vulnerability in relationships is hard and important and very worth it.
• goodness, or the anticipation of goodness, can be scary too.

om shanti shanti shanti.

it occurs to me that if one is invoking the spirit of serendipity because they are hoping it will cause one specific explicit particular exact precise thing to happen that day, they might, in fact, be missing the whole point of serendipity.

and by one, of course, i mean me.

clearly we haven't been introduced.

my name is atlas. i am a friend to all kitties.

come out from behind the glass and visit me!

i shall love you and sniff you and follow you around adoringly. and we shall be the bestest of friends forever. or at least until you disappear on me.

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust – my word for 2011}.

frost-covered grasses, sparkling in the cold winter sunshine.

there is a thorough sniffing, and then they're done and ready to move on to the next thing.

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust – my word for 2011}.

after a year of looking for trust, i must say that i will never again see most of nature without being reminded of it, especially – for some reason – grasses.