tracy at prana light writes a series titled “being here now”. it’s in list format and it provides such a beautiful glimpse into her daily life. when i read the last one: “being here now: days of abundance”, i was inspired to fill out the list for myself.

taste — my latest dinner addiction: a rich meat sauce on roasted spaghetti squash; ginger molasses cookies; steel-cut oatmeal with bananas & brown sugar & butter

scent — eucalyptus + vinegar (my homemade bathroom cleaner); lemon + vinegar (my homemade kitchen cleaner); wet dog

sound — “set fire to the rain” by adele

touch — soft fleece blankets

sight — my latest series addiction: leverage (which i stumbled upon at the library and grabbed, thinking it looked like a decent movie, only to find that it was actually a series and i liked it so much that i watched all four dvds in a row and ordered season two)

delight — the anticipation of a proposal from a web designer for a beautiful new home for retinal perspectives

intuition — my focus now needs to be on wholeness

comfort — sleeping later in the mornings; heading outside when the sun appears; working during the cold and dark evenings

making — homemade granola to bring to my sister’s

doing — looking for the perfect images for the november/december collection

dreaming — about the day when my business sustains me

reading — addiction to perfection (marion woodman), clash of kings (george r r martin), the untethered soul (michael singer), what i talk about when i talk about running (haruki murakami), and sailing home (norman fischer)

gratitude — for this moment, right here, right now

happiness — surrounds me, inside and out

love — this month, this season, so very much

i’d love to hear what’s in your now.

p.s. in case you missed monday’s post, there’s a celebration going on through saturday!

you know your dog is an angel when you leave him alone in the car with a hamburger and sweet potato fries while you run into the post office and then wait in line to mail your packages and you come back to find the food where you left it – completely untouched.

yes. that was atlas yesterday. i was so impressed with his cuteness and angelic-ness. as we drove home, i told him how angelic he was and fed him most of my sweet potato fries as a reward.

except that all of a sudden, it occurred to me that if i had come back to find that he had eaten the hamburger and sweet potato fries, i would have been impressed with his cuteness and cleverness.

either he eats the hamburger and sweet potato fries on his own, or i feed most of them to him as a reward for good behavior. either he is cute and angelic, or cute and clever.

clearly he wins no matter what he does.

(it is at this moment that i realize – yet again – how very well trained i am.)

almost every sunday morning, the pup and i visit the farmers' market at orenco station and then go for a walk behind the library. last sunday, we went for a walk around the orenco station neighborhood instead. i love all the greenery.

do you know that i have done a reiki session for myself every single day for over three years?

i've been thinking about this lately because i've been thinking about my reiki offer (a way to help you pause and refill your well using reiki).

occasionally, i feel moved to mention the offer. otherwise, i trust that the right people for the offer will find their way there when the time is right. that is how i found my way to everything that has been helpful to me, including reiki, and it is the way that feels right for my offer.

at the same time, i often shy away from mentioning the offer even when i feel moved to do so. it turns out that there are reasons for this.

one reason is that i very much do not want to try to convince anyone to try reiki. i went through my dark night of the soul, as it were, as part of my experience with reiki. while it was worth it to be here in this place, i would not wish the hard of that on anyone.

that's why i've been thinking about my daily reiki sessions. it occurred to me that my experience was different; it did not involve the occasional session. i tried reiki and then took the first class and then the second class and then the master class. i have done a reiki session for myself every single day since that first class, over three years ago now. some days, i give myself more than one. i can no more imagine not doing it than i can imagine not brushing my teeth.

i cannot even believe that i have done this for three years. i generally think of myself as undisciplined and uncommitted and yet somehow, i committed to this without even thinking about it.

(there are other reasons why i don't want to try to convince people to try reiki. reasons like, people vary. or, i believe that we all have our own path and i will never try to tell you that my path is right for you. or, all roads lead to rome – as in, i'm pretty sure i could have found my way to this place any number of ways; reiki just happened to be the way i stumbled upon.)

another reason is that i don't know how to talk about my experience. well, other than in bits and pieces: i don't chew my nails, i don't hate myself, i don't need steroids to be around cats, i can sing higher notes again.

i was hoping to finally talk about my experience a little but it turns out that i still cannot find the words, even if i give myself permission to talk about it awkwardly and inadequately.

still, maybe this is enough for now. i guess doing something every day for three years says something about my experience, even without saying anything else. (then again, i have brushed my teeth at least twice a day every single day for what feels like a million years, and yet i still have a cavity.)

andrea shared a messy parenthood story on superhero journal yesterday. it made me think of my own messy stories, especially the ones i shy away from sharing because i feel particularly embarrassed. i don't know why this is exactly, i realize that we are none of us perfect, but somehow it often feels like maybe that isn't really true. that maybe everyone else really is perfect, and i am the only exception. it sounds so silly when i say it but it feels so true in my mind. anyway, andrea inspired me to share one of my own messy stories.

atlas has the best ears. they are soft like velvet and irresistible. but he doesn't like people to touch his ears or play with his ears. ever.

when atlas first came to live with me, he was a show dog, so we had to spend some time at dog shows.

i didn't love dog shows. the weather was usually hot. there were lots and lots of dogs around. there was stress and excitement in the air. atlas had to wear a show collar and if he pulled or i pulled, it would tighten around his neck, so i didn't like to pull. it just wasn't an environment that i felt at all comfortable in.

in the midst of all of that commotion, i was a brand new dog person learning how to be a dog person and atlas was an excited clever energetic empathic weimaraner puppy.

with all the stress and excitement and heat, it was often hard to get him to listen to me. probably at least once or twice during every dog show, when i couldn't get him to listen and really needed him to listen, i would run out of ideas and options and patience. the only thing i could think to do in those moments of frustration and helplessness was to pinch one of his ears to get his attention.

instantly, my beloved puppy would give this tiny little yelp. the yelp would break my heart and i would hug him and apologize. and yet, in another moment of frustration and helplessness, i would do it again.

it still hurts my heart to think about this. and i'm pretty sure that's why he doesn't like his ears touched. (well, that and regular ear infections.)

you know, i don't really know how to end this. i don't want this to be a story with a lesson or a nice neat ending. i just want to agree that yeah, life is messy, so i guess my messy story will have a messy ending.

my 30 days of (shiva nata) practice back in june was made even better because of everyone who joined in with their own particular practice. since september has 30 days, i’ve decided to do another 30 day practice. you are all invited to join me.

this time, i want to do morning pages. if you’ve read the artist’s way, by julia cameron, you’re probably familiar with the idea. in case you’re not – it’s three pages of writing, every morning, anything that comes to your mind. i am forgoing the written word, however, in order to use 750words.com. i am much more likely to type than i am to write. plus, i am a speedy typer.

in june, i also set an intention (or theme) for the month: permission. i think i want to set an intention for september as well, but i just cannot decide on one. the current top contenders are permission (yes, again), pleasure, flow, and joy. good thing i still have some time.

anyway, that’s the plan – 30 days of morning pages, starting september 1.

if you want to join me, i would love to have the company. maybe you have something you want to focus on for 30 days and could use the support? maybe it’s a practice? maybe it’s a theme? maybe it’s something you want to eliminate from your life? the options are endless.

i’ll plan to check in on mondays again in case you decide to join me and want to share how it’s going.

here’s to the joy of practice!

we all need days where we (plus a good book) move from the beach to a hammock to a comfy chair to the dinner table to a comfy chair to a homemade ice cream stand. summers on cape cod are indeed delightful.

of course, this was not that day. this day was rainy.

minus the hammock, and the beach, this weekend looked rather like my vacation. both saturday and sunday were in the 90s, so atlas and i turned into slugs and ate excessive amounts of watermelon. plus, it was the weekend of the hillsboro airshow and i can see bits of the main acts from the park behind my house. there is nothing quite like the roar and rumble of fighter jets flying overhead.

i hope your weekend was just as good.

atlas' latest kitty friend is polydactyl, meaning he has extra fingers on his (in this case front) paws, so it looks like he is wearing mittens. i could stare at his paws all day. they are adorable.

we met him one day while on a walk. he saw atlas and came sauntering over from his spot in the shade to say hello. they are now friends. whenever we walk by, he comes bounding over the grass or through the bushes to greet us. (the kitty's name is kiki; i just like to call him the six-fingered kitty. i blame "the princess bride" for that.)

when atlas returned from the doggy ranch last week, he was even more kitty-obsessed than usual. after all, he had gone nine (nine!) whole days without seeing one. so, when we went for our evening walk and ran into kiki, there was much rejoicing on all our parts.

atlas and kiki sniffed hello. kiki wandered around him for a while, slapping atlas' face with his tail. kiki settled himself on the grass by us. atlas sat and stared happily or stood towering over kiki as if to be sure he was ready to walk with him at a moment's notice.

atlas can sit and stare forever. i can not.

eventually, i decided it was time to move on. generally, atlas will test my conviction for a bit and then be ready to go. this time? nope. he was pretty sure that he was not leaving.

i pulled and ordered and pushed. nope. i begged and pulled and commanded. nope. i lifted his chest and maneuvered him in the right direction. finally, he gave in – very begrudgingly, i might add. we continued on down the sidewalk.

a few seconds later, what did i hear? a whoosh of air as kiki chased us down.

atlas stopped. kiki and atlas sniffed. kiki wandered under and around him, whap-whap-whap-ing his belly and face with his tail. atlas sat and stared happily.

eventually, i decided to try to leave (again). we went through the same routine (again). finally, i convinced atlas to continue on (again).

a few seconds later, kiki was bounding alongside us (again).

atlas and kiki went through their meet-and-greet routine (again).

repeat ad nauseum.

needless to say, it took a long time to get home that evening. (made even longer because we had to finally turn around and walk kiki back home again.)

if life with a dog were a boxing match, i'm pretty sure that round went to atlas and the six-fingered kitty.

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust – my word for 2011 – unfortunately, my photo disappeared, so i am using redorgrayart’s own photo so you can still see her mobile.}

today, i have a story for you.

i ordered the book sea of miracles from amy oscar because i like reading about angels. (i’m glad i did. reading it felt like being enveloped in a warm and loving embrace.)

the day before it arrived in my mailbox, i found a bluebird feather on my morning walk with atlas. a bluebird feather! i adore bluebirds. they are my symbol of happiness; every time i see one, i remember the story about the children who looked everywhere for the bluebird of happiness only to find it once they returned home again. i picked the feather up and brought it home with me.

in her book, she talks about finding feathers. about how she finds feathers, about how people who work with her start finding feathers, about how people who send her angel stories find feathers. when i read that, it made me think of my bluebird feather.

she also talks about how you can ask the angels to send you a sign (as many and as big as you need) to show you that they exist. i decided to ask them for a sign that would absolutely positively convince me when I am most doubtful.

i asked, and then i let it go.

on my evening walk with the pup (yes, he gets a lot of walks), i saw a butterfly. this made me smile. i like to pretend that butterflies are the angels, reminding me that they’re near.

a little while later, i found a feather on the path.

after i picked up the feather, atlas pulled me off the path and into the woods. what did we discover in the woods but an entire pile of feathers. it must have been every single feather from a bird. only there was no sign of the bird, just the pile of feathers.

we continued on, out of the woods and down the path again. when we reversed course, what did we discover every few feet or so? more feathers! feathers that i would swear weren’t there when we walked the path the few minutes earlier.

by this time, i was laughing away. but i also felt very loved and comforted.

p.s. don’t you love my bluebird mobile from redorgreyart? i just love it. it hangs in my kitchen, reminding me to slow down and appreciate the moments. and it seemed very fitting for my story.

"it's beginning to look a lot like christmas." ha. i bet you didn't see that one coming.

i am now the happy owner of a food processor. do you know that they even slice potatoes?! i can't believe i used to wonder what on earth i would do with a food processor. thanks to my lovely food processor, i have thinly sliced carrots for salads and fresh pico de gallo in the frig. oh, happy happy day.

so it doesn't disappear without warning, i must tell you that i am saying goodbye to my animal reiki sessions at the end of the month (or thereabouts). i love the furry ones, but my heart tells me that it is time to focus my energy on other things. i need to find a way to use the icon, though – i do so love looking at sleepy atlas in my sidebar.

i saw the last harry potter movie on friday. no more harry potter. can you believe it? it feels like i've been anticipating a harry potter book or movie for at least eight years. i think i am going to start anticipating a visit to the harry potter theme park. if i wait long enough, someone is bound to invent a broomstick that flies. (really, why aren't there broomsticks that fly already? it seems very possible.)

what is going on in your world?