at the moment, i feel rather like this quote from jack kerouac:

“I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”

which is why i really like this quote from henry miller:

“Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood.”

once upon a time, i had a glass desk. back then, i also had a large print of joan miro’s blue ii over my desk.

i cannot say why, but these photos remind me of him/it.

oh, blue ii, i remember you fondly. i hope your new owner loves you as much as i did.

today, and every day, i wish you beauty, joy, and kindness, along with an abundance of magic and possibility and dreams come true.

i see you – and i am so glad you are here, in my world.

here’s to a great year for all of us!

and just in case you need a reminder on this first day of our new year, you are radiance.

there is a fire burning in the center of my chest.

can you feel it?
you must be able to feel it, even you, so far across the ocean.

i cannot hold it in.
i do not want to hold it in.
it is all that is good and true in me, setting everything alight.

the fire does not discriminate.
it burns for the homeless man on the freeway entrance ramp,
the single brown leaf on the tree,
the dog on my bed.

the fire burns with passion and purpose.
it is a funeral pyre for the dead;
it turns coal into diamond;
it is a beacon in the darkest night.

the fire is fierce and wise and holy.

it is lighting the way toward a wild, joy-filled life.

at the beginning of the year, i started a conversation about beauty.

i had been wanting to talk about beauty for a long time, but there were things in the way. i talked about some of them.

i thought that post was just the beginning and that i would continue the conversation. after all, i think about beauty all the time. after all, i have lots of things i want to tell you about beauty.

and yet here we are, nine months later, and i haven’t continued the conversation at all.

i knew something was in the way, but i didn’t know what it was.

until the moment i did.

it turns out that i can’t talk about beauty because i’m not beautiful.

this seems like such a puzzling reason.

for one: physical beauty, as defined by other people or society or culture, or by our impression of ourself based on those definitions, is not what i want to talk about at all. it is completely unrelated to what i am thinking about when i think about beauty. i talked about this in the initial conversation.

for two: one of the things i believe to be true of beauty is that it is a quality of the soul and, as such, we are all beautiful. it seems the height of hubris to imagine that i am somehow the one exception.

the good thing about letting the unconscious become conscious is that often, those thoughts dissolve in the light of day. this was one of them. i wrote this in my journal on wednesday and immediately followed it with a number of blog posts about beauty. i felt moved to share this before i begin. again.

i was lying on my bed last evening, looking at the pictures on my wall from a different – sideways – angle, and i noticed the heart in this particular image.

can you see it?

(i’ll give you a hint. it’s not a complete heart. you can see all of the left half and a little of the right.)

it just goes to show you that rotating images can be full of lovely surprises.

there is a blackbird in my breast
and a bluebird in my ear

each one is whispering secrets
the other one can’t hear

what is your mind inviting you to do today?
my mind is inviting me to let go.

what is your body inviting you to do today?
my body is inviting me to stand in the sunshine.

what is your spirit inviting you to do today?
my spirit is inviting me to read mary oliver.

i think i shall.

i don’t know what it is about this season, maybe the planets are involved, but i have been needing extra support lately. as a result, i thought i’d offer up a few half-price reiki sessions in case there is someone out there who is in need. if it speaks to you, just click yes, please and complete the payment and we’ll get your session scheduled. (half-price = $31.)

–>this offering is no longer available.

“Earth laughs in flowers.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

i wish i could show you how beautiful you are

when your eyes light up,
when you smile that slightly crooked smile,
when you squint in the sunshine.

i wish i could show you how beautiful you are

when you feel like your face is puffy and red from crying,
when you laugh the laugh that you worry is too loud,
when you’re hot and sweaty from carrying groceries into the house.

i wish i could show you how beautiful you are

when you wrap your arms around her (or him),
when you bend down and gently brush a flower,
when your voice squeaks with excitement.

i wish i could show you how beautiful you are

when you speak,
when you’re silent,
when you listen.

i wish i could show you how beautiful you are

yesterday,
today,
tomorrow;

now,
always,
forever.