at the moment, i am somewhat obsessed with energy anatomy by caroline myss. (i think i already mentioned this.) i have listened to it at least three times and am pretty sure i'm not done yet.

you know how sometimes a book (or a quote or a song or a person or ..) will enter your life in what feels like supremely perfect timing? this feels like that.

here is some of what really struck me.

the idea that choosing to invest your energy into group perceptions is a way of trying to control the rate at which change happens in your life.

this hit me like a ton of bricks. of course this is what frightens me. i've always liked the idea of surrendering completely (you know, the whole "here i am, do with me as you will" thing) but it totally freaks me out. i like my life. i like thinking that i have control over it. what if it changes in a way that i can't even imagine right now. it doesn't matter if the change is good or bad, it still scares me.

the idea that choosing to invest your energy into group perceptions is essentially giving that group a vote in your life.

again, of course! this is exactly what i'm doing! i'm doing this every single time i think, "but what would they think?" i'm doing it for every single they. sometimes the they is clearly defined, sometimes it's a very fuzzy concept. when i look at it from this perspective, it really hits home. i don't want any of those theys to have a vote and here i am giving them one – and it's often the deciding vote.

the idea that it's not the choices that are important, it's the motivation behind the choice.

this has got me thinking about all my choices and whether they're based on fear or faith. surprisingly, it works even for seemingly small ones.

sitting at the computer – accompanied by mindless internet wandering – is often based on fear. i'm scared that i can't trust what i really want to do in that moment. i'm scared of even listening to what i really want to do in that moment. i want someone else to tell me the right thing to do that will make everything work out perfectly until the end of time. i'm afraid that if i'm not at the computer, i'm not working, and then i am somehow being a drain on society. the list goes on and on.

i could go on and on, but i will spare you. it has clearly got me thinking though. (you know, because i don't do nearly enough thinking as it is. hee.)