too much
you cry a lot, she said.
i can’t take your tears seriously.
did i cry too much? i trusted her, so i wondered if she was right.
but whether or not they were related, the years during which i stifled my tears were followed by the years during which i struggled with what i later realized was chronic depression.
stifling my tears was not an option.
instead, i felt ashamed of them.
so many stories of being too much.
maybe you have your own stories?
i am tired of caring about being too much when, it seems, too much is a cage.
a cage designed to keep us small.
a cage that has somehow become normal and accepted.
we cage ourselves.
we cage each other.
consciously and unconsciously.
i love watching my niece and nephew; they are a beautiful example of too much.
not in the way we think of it: we’re too much and we should be less.
i mean in the way that everything spills out of them in an unrestrained exuberant expression of unapologetic & honest aliveness.
too much feels closer to enough.
i am reminded of something the mad hatter said to alice.
“You used to be much more… “muchier.” You’ve lost your muchness.”
i am writing this in celebration of too much.
here’s to too much.
here’s to liveliness & boldness & joyful abandon & joie de vivre.
here’s to grabbing life with both hands and living with gusto.
here’s to loving too much & laughing too loud & dreaming too big & shining too bright.
here’s to being too much of anything and everything.
Babies are born with too much. We spend the first 18 years of their lives trying to limit their too much in order to fit them into our life style and society. Parents to that. Schools do that. Friends do that.
Geniuses keep some of their too much. That’s why they are always a little different from the rest of us. Just think if we all had too much. But then, maybe it would no longer be too much.
Yes! (said with “too much” exurbernce and emphasis) Love this post.
all my life … my family …
though oddly enough not so much others …
though i was sure then that they must be thinking it too and perhaps just not saying it …
they would forever say “you’re too dramatic”
their way i guess of squelching a little spirit that burst forth like a deep fountain.
i began to even say it to myself.
“don’t be so dramatic.”
a person turns inward then. you know the fountain’s there. but it can’t show.
you write. and try to learn to be like them.
it took me a long long time to feel okay that i had a fountain inside of me.
and to feel sorry for those who don’t and who want you to squelch your own.
wonderful post. with your tulips shining on.
Another heart-on-your sleeve here Elizabeth, which I for one can very much relate too. All my life, too much–too much everything. I had a boyfriend once, long ago, who actually said that to me–that I was too much, too much of everything and he couldn’t handle it. Ouch… For a long time I stifled pretty much everything more and extra about me I could. It was only until into my 30’s that I realized how not good that was. I’m still learning that’s it OK to be fully who I am at all times, in all condition, and in all crowds. So, yes, YES, oh yes, to too much. ;o) Thank you for helping us to remember to keep our bright lights shining. ((LOVE & HUGS))
Here’s to finding the person for whom your “to muchness” is just the right amount. “Too much” is in the eye of the beholder.
Jerry: I love your description of a genius. It reminds me of a quote: “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ~ Albert Einstein
Here’s to finding our own muchness/genius.
Kimberley: Yes!
Tammy: I love your fountain. It bursts forth into everything you do, especially your blog. Buoyant and ebullient, I think, both of which are lovely qualities, much like how I imagine our souls to be.
Tracy: Ouch indeed. I am so glad you shared that. Yes to too much, and here’s to finding people who are overjoyed to be a part of your life/muchness, including me. xo