on despair
maybe
you have a tiny voice
in your head,
a voice that whispers,
you are all alone;
no
one
cares;
you don’t matter;
there’s no way out;
the situation is hopeless.
maybe
the voice grows
and grows and grows
until
it seems like all there is.
i wish
i could tell you
how to silence that voice.
i
don’t
know
how.
what i can tell you is this:
when the voice is so loud
that it brings me to my knees,
when the voice is so loud
that i can’t pretend
to be strong
or try
to be strong
or be
strong
anymore,
when the voice is so loud
that i think it will finally break me,
i have
no choice
but to let it flow free,
until i am empty,
until there is nothing left in me.
in the emptiness, i finally find peace.
and haven’t we
all
felt despair?
and hasn’t
it brought us
to our knees?
and haven’t we
gotten up again
and done
what
needed to be
done?
here is what i have learned about despair.
it comes in like the tide.
there might not be solid ground to stand on.
there might be a steep cliff in your way.
it’s easy to believe that it will never end,
the waters will never recede,
you will be trapped there forever.
but then, the tide goes out again.
you find a small treasure
left
by the sea
on the sand:
driftwood,
a piece of seaweed,
a seashell,
a smooth stone.
then there is this:
maybe –
when it seems overwhelming, when it seems like despair will break us –
we are connected to
everyone
who has ever felt despair,
everyone
who is feeling despair,
everyone
who will ever feel despair,
and somehow,
somewhere,
their hearts are holding us gently until it is over.
Beautiful words. Thank you.
You are so welcome.
Oh, my Elizabeth…. you express it so pefectly–the pain, and the tiny ray of hope. Despair is like being on a tidal wave, washed up on the shore… that is for sure. Last year, last summer when my health was not good, I was close to despair many a time. I had read once that to despair is to turn your back on God. That got me thinking. When we turn our despair over, surrender it up, loving hands do lift us up. :o) Thank you for sharing this raw, beautiful space from your heart. ((LOVE & HUGS))
Sometimes I think that despair helps me practice surrender. Because while I do believe and experience the love that surrounds us, I so like to have control over things, control over the uncontrollable. It is only when I am in despair or grief or .. that I finally come to the place where I am willing to accept that I don’t have control and surrender to something greater than myself.
Thank you for sharing your heart. Your words are always so full of love, may you feel that love around you.
well.
tears welled at recognition of that place.
the words are strong.
they made it come round alright. until the next time.
there is always a next time it seems. somewhere down the line.
but i loved your last lines . . .
. . . we are connected to everyone. we are!
the truth of it. and that makes it easier.
this is beautiful and true.
thank you elizabeth.
love to you and the beloved silver boy. xoxo
You nailed it. How it feels- except it has taken me so long to learn to surrender to it, to feel it. I have spent many years fighting, fighting to exhaustion, because I was so scared to surrender. I am slowly learning to feel the pain and let it go.
Finally.
I someday hope to express my journey as eloquently as you are here.
Tammy: The truth of everything seems to be love. May we remember that if/when it’s needed.
Jan: I am honoring the strength and courage it takes, both to fight, and to surrender. Thank you so much for sharing this, and reminding me/us that we are never alone.
Is it cool if I tweet about this post?
Absolutely. Tweet away!
What a wonderful poem, my wise friend. Beautiful truth. <3
Elizabeth, thank you for sharing these beautiful words. I recognize so much in it: the feeling of despair, the sense of wonder as the tide of it recedes and footing is regained, and the connection. That connection feels wholly true. I have shed holy tears in remembrance & recognition of that place.
Julie: <3
Paula: You are so welcome. You captured the feelings so beautifully + concisely with your words. To the "holy tears" - what a powerful phrase. Yes.