the beep
i have to tell you a story, mostly because i am pretty sure it will be comical in retrospect, and i do love a good laugh.
the characters: me and atlas, though atlas is hiding under the covers through most of the story.
the scene: it is dark thirty on monday, also known as the wee hours of the morning. i have only recently fallen back asleep after letting atlas out for his middle-of-the-night potty break.
i am deep in dreamland when i am roused by a very loud alarm.
the sound of the alarm shakes me and my heart starts to pound. the trouble is that i am not fully awake, and am still in the throes of my last dream, so i can’t be sure that the noise isn’t just a very vivid dream fragment. i take deep breaths to calm myself and try to fall back asleep.
BEEEEEEEEEEP. (the sound is so shrill and piercing that it requires capital letters. i think the alarm must be a close cousin of the air horn.)
still half-asleep, i realize that it sounds like the low battery alarm for the smoke detector. with a sigh of relief, i remember that i have an extra battery.
i stumble out of bed, find my glasses, find the spare battery, drag the ladder into the hallway and climb up, only to look up and realize that i am two feet away from the smoke alarm. i climb back down and reposition the ladder, climb up, change the battery, climb down, and try to close the ladder so i can put it away.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i decide that it must be a “yay, i have a battery again” sound and crawl blearily into bed.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
stupid spare batteries.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i try to ignore the sound and fall asleep.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i stumble to the computer to see if safeway is open all night so i can buy a new battery. it is not. i stumble back into bed and try to ignore the sound.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i decide to take out the battery so i can sleep, just until morning.
i stumble out of bed, find my glasses, drag the ladder into the hallway and climb up, only to look up and realize that i am now three feet away from the smoke alarm. i climb back down and reposition the ladder, climb up, take out the battery, climb down, and put the ladder away.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i tell myself that it’s just giving me a final warning and stumble back into bed.
BEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEP.
stupid smoke alarms.
i stumble out of bed, find my glasses, drag the ladder into the hallway and climb up, only to look up and realize that, yet again, i can’t reach the smoke alarm. i climb back down and reposition the ladder, climb up, put the battery back in, climb down, and put the ladder away.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i tell myself that the sound is only annoying because i think it shouldn’t be there and i think i need it to go away. i tell myself to embrace the sound.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
stupid change-your-thoughts practices.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i lay on my side and squash a pillow onto my head and scrunch my eyes closed. i toss and turn for hours.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i drive to safeway and buy a new battery.
when i get home, i drag the ladder into the hallway and climb up, only to look up and realize that i still can’t reach the smoke alarm. i climb back down and reposition the ladder, climb up, and replace the battery.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i am still standing on the ladder. an involuntary tear rolls down my cheek.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
stupid smoke alarms.
stop beeping!
i decide it must be broken.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i wonder if maybe, just maybe, the sound is coming from the carbon monoxide detector that’s a foot away from the smoke alarm. then again, i’ve never heard that go off before, who knows if it even has batteries, and the noise sounds exactly like the smoke alarm.
i stand on the ladder, my eyes glued to the smoke alarm, waiting for the beep.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i think it’s coming from the smoke alarm. but it’s so hard to be sure.
i climb down, move the ladder over a foot, climb up, and stare at the carbon monoxide detector.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
the red light right next to the words that say “move to clean air” goes on at the same time.
i wonder if i should panic.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
i call the apartment office and tell them that my carbon monoxide detector is going off and i don’t know if i should panic. they say that the battery is probably low and they’ll send someone right over to change it.
BEEEEEEEEEEP.
someone comes over and replaces the battery.
there is silence. blissful silence.
that is a very sad series of beeps!
Our fire detector did that a few weeks ago, so I changed out the battery, but in the process, it broke somehow. I need to get to the hardware store & buy another. They seem to make them so they can’t be changed out, but have to be entirely replace. Yeesh!
Yeesh indeed! Clearly they need to do a little remodeling of that particular smoke alarm.
hahaha thanks for the laugh…is the moral of the story to only have one detector in your house? i didn’t even know places had carbon monoxide detectors.
They just installed them last year. (Though, G&G gave me one for Christmas one year. I never installed it myself. It seemed like a funny joke from the Universe when the apartment people put one in for me.)
I’m not sure if there is a moral, except perhaps to buy earplugs!
I can’t believe you made it through the night with that noise. I go crazy with only one beep.
oh my gosh – that is funny.
Good lesson to listen to those beeps though! A few years ago I was awaken by my fire alarm..and was SLOWLY getting out of bed cause I figured it was another false alarm in the condo building…when all of a sudden there was a fireman banging on my door to get out! My neighbour’s unit burnt down & they punched through the ceiling of my condo unit while putting out embers in the attic.
Oh my goodness! How scary. Good lesson indeed.
I am sure we now have the technology so that instead of getting BEEEEEEEEEP with a low battery, we would get, in a very pleasant voice, “Excuse me, I am your smoke detector and my battery is low. Please replace it at your earliest convenience. Thank you.”
EXACTLY! Why has no one invented that. Hmmm. Maybe because no one would change the battery?
OMG!
bless your heart.
it almost made me hurt reading that! OMG.
i would HATE that!!!
(lol. and they wonder why she has high blood pressure folks.)
You’re so diligent…and patient.
Our old apartment had a few holes in the walls from me throwing my boot at beeping smoke alarms I couldn’t reach (the boot being longer than a shoe, of course, and us having only a step ladder). My theory? If I didn’t smell or see danger, then damn the detector and damn the walls, the BEEPing needed to stop. Now.
I was quietly chuckling to myself as I was reading… then my heart broke a little bit for you when a tear ran down your cheek.. and THEN…I got very wide eyed when you said the words carbon monoxide!
Thank goodness it was a false alarm, even if it kept you up all night, you poor thing! And thank goodness it DID keep you up… carbon monoxide and sleep are not a good match!
They should have a different sounding (perhaps more gentle sounding) alarm for a dead battery so you don’t freak out thinking your house is full of deadly fumes!
I don’t even have a carbon monoxide alarm. Maybe I should??