the dawning of the light, volume 13
{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}
today, i offer up a musing on radiance from my journal.
do i have a sense of myself as sweet and steady? not really.
i notice [redacted], wherever he is. do i have that same sense of myself? definitely not. i feel like i go unnoticed, am passed over, which would explain why i like to be funny. humor draws attention and i am afraid that people won't notice me otherwise.
i think about friends of mine – i think they would be noticed no matter what because there is something about them that stands out. you just feel better because they are there. i don't have that same sense of myself and i think i try to compensate.
that's related to radiance. what if i could trust that i was enough, and i was visible, and the right people are attracted to me. i wouldn't feel that same need to be funny. not that i might not be funny anyway, just that it wouldn't feel forced.
your journal musings are always such rich invitations for thought.
when you get older (ha. notice i did not say old) when you get older an odd thing happens. you suddenly see the you, you have been all along in a very different perspective. there are so many yous it turns out. all with a different label.
and then you become sort of invisible to people. to friends? i don’t know. but for sure to people in general. and not being noticed is a very freeing, relaxing feeling i’m finding out! i like it.
and you? i think you are refreshingly creatively funny! and it seems to be natural for you, not forced. the world needs more of your funny… whether natural or forced!
happiest day before your favorite,
tammy j
Oh, your radiance photos are soooo…. radiant!! Just lovely. And I love reading your thoughts. It’s a funny thing thinking about what others think of us. I agree with Tammy that you become more relaxed about it as you get older, but do I still think about it? Absolutely, I do think about it but maybe CARE less about it…
Eckhart Tolle says we need to forget all about our need to feel “special”, that we are already way special enough. It’s good to know, but waaaay easier said than done. We learn from an early age that being special attracts attention and friends and maybe ultimately, love, so it’s hard to buck that trend. Still, he is a very wise man…..
XOX
Oh, this touched my heartstrings, Elizabeth. I was so there once with compensating or overcompensating a personality trait, often thinking I wasn’t enough and didn’t trust myself that I was already enough in so many ways. Patty’s comment above siting Eckhart Tolle I’ve come across too, and it is easier said than does somethings, that belief in that we are already enough as we are now. As I grow older it all becomes easier in some ways though. What I try to do now is focus on love… letting my love-light shine. What shines on the inside, can’t help but shine on the outside too. Be your funny self, naturally. The rest will follow… :o) ((HUGS))