a different kind of homecoming
i find myself blinking back tears rather often these days, though they are a different sort of tear than the usual.
you see, the thing i realized very recently is that i actually see myself with eyes of love and compassion now.
do you know that i will turn 35 in april, and that i cannot ever remember a time when i did not think i was a terrible, horrible, awful, no-good person? that's three decades, give or take, of self-loathing and perceived worthlessness.
i'm crying because it feels like i am coming home to myself, after a very long time away.
i'm also crying for all the versions of me who were not met with this same love and compassion. i want to wrap my arms around each one of them in turn and say, "oh, sweetie. i see you. i love you. and i am so so so sorry."
This is HUGELY PROFOUND, Elizabeth… and must congratulate you on finding your way home to you again–it is a very big and beautiful thing! :o) I can relate so much to this, as I spent most of my growing up years and most of my 20’s in a similar place–one of self-loathing, inadequate, awkward, shy, confused, just not good enough… It is sad to look back on how I perceived myself to be then. It took illness and time to realize my self worth and contribution to the world, and not least that I am wellspring of love–offering to all, as well myself. For if we can’t extend love to ourselves first, how can we keep giving to others. A lot here to celebrate, my friend. Welcome home. :o) ((LOVE & HUGS))
Hugs to you Elizabeth, each beautiful and brilliantly colorful layer of you. xoxo
oh elizabeth…this is such a beautiful thing to read. i’m so glad that you are coming home to yourself in a place of love.
beautiful
Hello, You.
<3 I'm happy for you.
happy tears shining for you dear little friend.
how strange that you couldn’t see what the rest of us see…
the talent. the courage. the love. the beauty. the trust. the lilting unjudging heart of a child. the delight in all things beautiful and the belief that all things are beautiful. the enjoyment of simplicity and the art of contentment.
it’s all there elizabeth. and it’s you.
and if you’re finally realizing it… then have a glass of something festive! and toast yourself!
i regret to say, i don’t know the author of this poem… (if someone does, please share)
i memorized it years ago. it is apropos now i think… for you toasting to loving yourself as you are! after all these years… just as you are!
“your laughter’s in the treetops
your smile is in the grass.
i hear your little muffled sigh
in all the winds that pass…
and when i drank a toast tonight
your face was in the glass.”
love you! and that you realized this. <3
love! <3
You make me want to cry with you and for you. Beautiful words, just like you, E.
Oh, so touched to read this. What a long and worthwhile journey you’re having. Thanks, as always, for sharing.
Eyes of love and compassion! So inspired by you.
xoxo
thank you, dears. all of you. xoxo
@tammy: what a sweet poem. i raise my glass of sparkling water to me, to you, to all of us.
Love and Kleenex for all of the sniffles.
Welcome home
xo
Wow, wow, wow. So brave and raw. Someone wise once told me that will be times I need to treat myself like a newborn baby; all love and adoration, meeting every need, soothing every tear. It sounds like you are doing just that right now. A rebirth. So beautiful.
Oh, Elizabeth, this touches me so deeply. I know that feeling so well. I am so glad that you now see how amazing you are. I’m finding my way to that place slowly.
so beautifully said elizabeth. what a joy to realize that home is always with you. my wish for you is the sweetness and peace that can only deepen as you get to know the truly beautiful, dynamic, soulful person that you are.
xoxo
valerie
i read this last week and was speechless .. i return today again .. thanks for your honest sharing.. such a special realization!
You are so beautiful. And what an incredibly wonderful space you now find yourself within.
I have cried those same tears… many times… when I have realized how incredibly cruel and judgemental I can be to myself. I would never treat anyone else in this way!
Big big hugs to you…sending you waves of love and acceptance, beautiful You!