some thoughts on beauty
this month, i am thinking and journaling and practicing shiva nata with the intention of working on my relationship with beauty, especially beauty as it relates specifically to me. i wasn't planning on talking about it because beauty seems like one of the scariest things that i could possibly pick to work on. and yet, my sense is now that beauty as it relates to self is the next thing i need to talk about. funny how that works.
on that note, i thought i'd share some of the things that have come up for me thus far.
what do i know about beauty?
i do not like it. it is very uncomfortable, even as a thought. beauty is for other people, not for me. or for nature. or for atlas. i am definitely not beautiful. it does seem somewhat puzzling that i both want to be beautiful and very much do not want to be beautiful. beauty = visibility, and i definitely don't want to be visible.
oh. i do not actually want to be beautiful at all. i do not want to be beautiful. i want to feel beautiful. when i don't feel beautiful, i think that i need to be beautiful, and that seems impossible. partly because my truth – when it is not covered up by other people's truths and monsters and stories and such – is that beauty comes from the soul.
i think this is why the be-ing seems impossible. because even if i don't remember that beauty comes from the soul and thus is always present, i do remember that there is nothing i can do to become beautiful. the trouble is that i think it's because there is no hope, not because i remember that beauty just is.
where is beauty?
everywhere. in everything and in everyone. you will never be able to really truly see and appreciate the beauty in everyone until you can find it in yourself.
part of living with honesty and integrity is accepting the light as well as the dark, even though accepting the dark is much easier. you can do it slowly, with kindness and gentleness, but you are ready to begin.
Sometimes so hard to look beauty in the eye..and want it..and not..and just accept it as the way it is. Love this little meditation. So much to think about here.
good morning. thanks for stopping by my blog. I love this post, because I do believe this is a struggle I have too. when I took this photo tho, I saw the beauty. it wasnt just the physical, but the inner me radiating. I adore this photo of myself. Ha. I would have never imagined those words ever coming out of my mouth. I see you as one beautifulsoulfulloving individual and thank you for sharing your thoughts. seems i can relate to many as I am sure others do as well. Namaste my friend.
one day i had a personal epiphany and it came about from the beatles song of eleanor rigby…
“she waits at the window, wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door.”
i had never felt beautiful in my entire life. i wore a face from a jar and was told i was beautiful. but without the face. i knew i was not. who was i then? what was i?
my grandmother always said “beauty is as beauty does.” new england puritanism? perhaps.
i decided i would never wear the face in the jar again and i never have.
i would feel and be just me. it was like a weight lifted.
i startled the people at work. some actually didn’t even recognize me! “why are you doing this?”
if the world would throw away the jars and if we could see each other’s hearts… then the world would know what beauty is.
and elizabeth, you are definitely beautiful.
tammy j
@tammy: thank you for sharing your story! i feel inspired. just imagine if we all *could* see each other’s hearts. always. how amazing that would be.
@marcie: sometimes it really is.
@sandy: namaste. so glad you saw the beauty in that photo and you. i loved it. (still trying to remember that artist though. 😉
Oh, Elizabeth! I just want to hug you… because I can relate too. :o) You said it so well, about accepting the light and dark of one’s self. I have found, rather recently myself that self acceptance goes a long way to letting one’s own beauty shin–inner and outer beauty. For the first time I feel beautiful, and dwelling in the be-ing of beauty. I also admired what you said, “beauty comes from the soul.” I think that is quite true as well. The greatest of our beauty comes from within. I never saw myself as beautiful person, not from a physical point of view. But I felt I had qualities on the inside that “made up for” the lace of outer beauty. It took me a long while to realize inner and outer can mingle in a beautiful way. We are all here to release and share the beauty of our souls with each other. Our culture gets so hung up on the outer bits. But going a little deeper, so much more is revealed. :o) You are beautiful, Elizabeth. All beings are… Shine that beautiful light of yours! Wonderful topic… I hope you might revisit it. ((HUGS))
I love this image.
And I’m sitting here feeling such a huge sense of connection/resonance with your words. I have a draft post-in-progress right now myself that’s titled “pretty.” About how I don’t think of myself as pretty, and don’t really believe it when others tell me I’m pretty. And about recognizing that I don’t want to be attractive, because that leads to attention, and attention is bad and dangerous and leads to me being hurt. And about some of the ways that I’m playing with this pattern right now, and how it all feels.
“Slowly, with kindness and gentleness…” Yes. I love this.
Thank you so much for sharing this now!